In a committed relationship, there’s little so devastating as one partner’s infidelity. An affair shatters what is most important in relationships: trust. Rebuilding that trust, should couples choose to do so, takes time and work.
After infidelity, a marriage counselor can be helpful or even necessary for navigating the maelstrom of strong emotions and reclaiming what’s been lost. Relationships are rarely the same after infidelity, but with commitment from both partners and the help of a counselor, it is possible to heal and even emerge with a stronger bond.
Dr. Gene Devers and Associates of Philly Family Life Counseling have abundant experience providing marriage counseling in Northeast Philadelphia. In this blog, find the typical trajectory of recovering from an affair, and how a therapist might play a role in healing.
Relationship Recovery After Unfaithfulness
Given that no two marriages are the same, it follows that infidelity happens for reasons unique to each couple, its consequences various in their scope and intensity.
That being said, recovering from infidelity often follows a similar trajectory:
1. Shock. The couple may not be in counseling at this time. This is the stage during which the infidelity has just been revealed, a time of high stress and intense emotions for both partners. The betrayed partner may experience this event as a form of trauma, overwhelmed by feelings of rage, grief, hopelessness, and frustration. Physical symptoms may manifest as the psychological turmoil lodges in the body. The partner who committed the infidelity may experience intense anxiety or guilt, which may take on a physical aspect as well.
2. Exploration. This is the optimal time for a counselor to enter the scene. The couple has agreed, with great hope or great reluctance, to explore the circumstances that led to the affair and begin to work through its implications. They may or may not be decided on staying in the relationship, a decision with which a counselor can help. At first, lingering in the shock stage, the betrayed partner may need to rehash the details of the affair numerous times in an effort to regain control. The partner who committed the infidelity may need to voice what led him or her to pursue the extramarital relationship. All of this is incredibly difficult, and a counselor can be a safe, neutral presence to guide the conversation. As counseling proceeds, the goal is to move past focusing solely on the affair into exploration of the relationship itself: its strengths and weaknesses. It is essential to understand the deep issues that manifested themselves in infidelity, whether it was a loss of intimacy, an imbalance of power, compulsions or mental disturbance, or some other combination of causes.
3. Work. Arguably, this is the most difficult part of marriage therapy. The affair having been processed, the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship assessed, the couple must now determine which actions to take. If it’s been decided the relationship will end, a counselor should assist both partners with this transition. If it’s been decided the relationship will continue, the counselor can provide guidance in addressing the weaknesses revealed during the exploration stage. It’s time to determine how to remedy those weaknesses and turn them into strengths, how to remodel the relationship to fulfill the needs of both partners. While this stage can be the hardest, requiring real change, it can also be the most redemptive. Deeper connection and intimacy can bloom after the storm of infidelity.
Contact Philly Family Life Counseling for Marriage Counseling in Northeast Philadelphia
If you’re reeling after infidelity in your committed relationship, we want to offer our compassion and help. Contact Dr. Gene Devers and Associates today for your first appointment. With deep caring and insights gleaned from long experience, we can help you enter recovery after infidelity.
Call 215/677-3810 now and schedule your initial appointment.
Leave a Reply